Lost and Found

Monday July 25, 2011. In the begining of this blog I declared to my readers I would reveal the secrets of my soul and the cause of the scars that riddle my heart , that time has come. The truth of the matter is that I am a sinner. You see my dear reader once upon a time I was a blessed man , blessed with a wife and two children.Blessed with a good career and many nice things. For fourteen years I lived a happily married man and father. Love surrounded me and my family until, well until the devil came . It is belived that when the Devil attacks a family he attacks the weakest member. I was the weakest and the attack came and kept coming. The Devil , a master of disguises came to me in the form of a beautiful woman during a time when my marriage was in turmoil. Instead of being a strong man for my family I chose to let my emotions control my thoughts . It is one thing to entertain a thought you know is not wise , but to act on that thought a wise man would not. An affair happened , slowly and methodicaly I fell  deeply in love with my devil . She was everything I dreamed a woman would be and more. She smiled at the right time touched my hand just in a nick of time and kissed me with such passion it could be nothing but love. It was a trick though, a plan to kill, destroy and ruin a life , lives.I fell for the con and the lies just as hard as those that trusted and loved me fell for my lies. Everything started as calm and gentle as a feather falling to the ground then gradually the noose began to tighten. I began to spend more time with the sedductress and with the more time spent with her the more money also. Soon all I wanted was to spend time with my new addiction giving her all my attention unaware that she was infiltrating my soul and my heart. The situation turning me into a zombie, neglecting my wife and my children ultimitly leaving them like they never exsisted. I moved far away from my home to live with the sedductress and to feed my addiction wich was the attention she showered upon me. Months went by never once speaking to my son or my daughter , they were but just a thought at times a thought I quickly surpressed. Eventually I was in a whipsaw ( pulled in two directions at the same time ) a battle of good and evil raged inside me giving way yet again to the sedductress and her trick.They say God will bring you to a place to gain your attention and heart after he lets you fall  and I am here to  tell you how ever violent your fall, he is falling with you no matter how silent he seems and alone and helpless you feel and that my friends is exactly the place he wants you, to get your attention. The place God captured my full attention was prison . Alone , broken and just a shell of myself I was ashamed and lost. Through this dark time wich lasted two long years I gave up and attempted suicide. Placed in the prisons infermery for my cowardly actions I laid there handcuffed to my bed for days .Its was well after midnite one evening when I awoke from a nightmare and finally called out for help to Jesus and on that late lonly night Jesus answered and lifted me out of the dark. Placed back into population I began to write all of my feelings down .Then strange but good things began to happen , a prison guard gave me a stack of legal pads to write on and other inmates purchased me pens to write with so I did not have to use the small prison issued pencils.Before I knew it I had something , with  all the writing I created a book. Other inmates read it and so did a very special prison guard who shared a story about her father who was in prison for murder and who wrote a book himself .She told me not to give up that she enjoyed reading what I had written  . Dont give up she repreated, God is there for you even if all seems lost, he loves you she said with such conviction. Put it in his hands ask for his help and it will come. I did , and today I am not just a published author and successful chef I am blessed to hold my daughter once again to see her smile to be her father. Things are takeing more time with my son but with prayer , patience and doing the right things the day will come when I can hold him in my arms too. Once again I am a blessed man for I was lost but now I am found. Through Jesus all things are possible , all things........ Just dont give up , because on that lost and lonely day it could be the day you find him.